I heard Townes Van Zandt tell this one:
This drunk redneck approaches a policeman and complains that his car was stolen.
The policeman asks where the car was before it went missing so the drunk takes out his keys and says:
"Right here at the end of my key.
The policeman assesses the situation and directs the fella to the policestation downtown with a word of advice - namely to zip up his pants.
To which our redneck looks down and cries out:
"Shit! they got my girl too!"
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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. All the DNA is the same.
2. There are no dental records.
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South Carolina redneck passed away and left a sizable estate to his beloved widow. However, she can't touch it until she turns fourteen.
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Folks in Georgia now go to the movies in groups of 18 or more since they were told that in some theaters "17 and under are not admitted."
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The minimum drinking age in Tennessee was raised to age 32 in an attempt to keep alcohol out of high schools.
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Reruns of "Hee Haw" in Kentucky are considered documentaries.
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You know you are in Kentucky when you call the front desk from your motel room and tell the clerk "I've gotta leak in my sink," and he says, "Go ahead ... you  paid for the room".
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You can tell if a West Virginia redneck is married. There is
tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup.
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A new lottery system is in effect in Florida. It pays out $3,000,000 to the lucky winner. That is $3 a year for a million years.
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The governor's mansion in Little Rock was almost destroyed by fire. In fact, the entire trailer park was almost lost.
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The law in Georgia was recently changed regarding divorce. Now, after being divorced, the couple are still brother and sister.
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The best thing to ever come out of Arkansas was Interstate 40.
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An Alabama state trooper stopped a redneck in a pickup truck for
weaving on the roadway. He asked the driver, "Got any ID?" The
redneck said, "Bout what?"
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After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have anymore children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. "A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10." The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me," said the doctor. So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count...

"1"

"2"

"3"

"4"

"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia and Washington DC.
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