Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home, reminiscing.
The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. 
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a 
piece.

The third old lady remarked, I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember  the guy you're talking about.
***

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."

The second lady chimed in, "Yes, some times I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."

The third one responded, " Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem; knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them "That must be the door, I'll get it!"

***

Three old ladies sitting in a bus shelter:
1st lady: "Windy, en’it?"
2nd lady: "No it’s not, it’s Thursday."
3rd lady: "So am I. Let’s go and ’ave a drink!"

***

Three little old ladies were sitting in the park when  flasher jumped out and did his thing.
The first little old lady has a stroke immediately.
The second little old lady had a stroke right after the first.
The third little old lady was too far away and couldn't reach. 

***